- Previously on "Grosse Pointe Garden Society"...
- Apparently, somebody bought "Lady Justice on Fire."
- No one's buying your art, son.
- But I'm selling it. - To these two.
- You know what is real?
Being the regional director at the sign company.
- We won the Southeastern Michigan Gardening Cup
ten years in a row until Bloomfield Hills cheated
with their genetically engineered magnolias.
- They won us the cup last year.
- They came out of nowhere, gave me a scholarship
I didn't deserve.
- You're an investment.
- I think I'm more than that.
- I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in here.
- You don't.
- A writing sample doesn't just magically
appear on an editor's desk.
- I put you up for it.
- What are you, her life coach, Brett?
- Please stop.
- Who knows you better, Alice?
Your husband or this joke?
Answer the question.
- Like she even has to.
- Come on.
Him or me?
Answer the question.
- Neither!
I am so beyond tired of everyone thinking
they know what is best for me.
Oh, she should go to New York.
No, she should have a family.
- Can we please just go?
- I am not going anywhere!
- Alice, can you please-- - I am not going anywhere.
Stop! - Enough, man!
- So which squares did you do, honey?
- All the best ones.
Who did the sailboat?
- Marilyn.
- All for a good cause.
- Oh.
- Certainly outdid yourself, Marilyn.
- Oh, champagne isn't even flat this year.
- How is that handsome son of yours?
- Well, Dougie just got a promotion at the sign company.
- How exciting.
- Junior exec in the making.
- Don't touch me!
- Whoa. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Stop. - Guys. Guys.
- Back off! - Stop.
- Hey! Hey! - Chill! Chill!
- He's come a long way from graffitiing
the gas station in high school.
- Oh, that was more of a misunderstanding.
Oh!
- Dougie!
- Well, I'm happy he found his way.
- And we are very proud.
- We'll make a Grosse Pointer out of him after all.
- Mm.
- Dougie, I understand you're upset, honey.
I would really love it if you-- if you would just call me.
- Mango from the farmers' market.
- No, I lost my appetite.
- He'll come around.
- How do you know?
- Because you're a great mom.
- I know. I know.
- Your heart is always in the right place, honey.
- I know.
I guess it-- it's not really my fault.
- So quit being so hard on yourself
and have some...
mango.
- This never would have happened
if you had just kept your mouth shut.
- You're the one that bought his damn art.
- Well, so did his wife.
- You should know better.
- And you should fix this.
- In every relationship, there's a gardener and garden.
One nurtures the other.
You ever gonna paint again?
What's the point?
Thanks.
- The gardener has to provide the right balance
of attention to help the garden grow.
- Any word from the kid?
- Want anything to drink?
- I'll take some wine.
- OK.
Get me one too.
- Tend too much, and you'll drive the other person away.
- I mean, it still needs a lot of work,
especially the part where my ovaries come to life
and tie up Patty and then hold her hostage.
- It's phenomenal.
- Really? - Hilarious, smart.
It's just--it--
it's just really special, Alice.
- Don't tend enough,
and your relationship will wither and die.
- No matter who takes home the cup tomorrow,
our community gardens are the real winners.
- Don't be too nice to the competition.
- I have to be the mayor, Marilyn,
not just your husband. - Mr. Mayor, over here.
- The tricky part is figuring out,
are you the gardener or the garden?
- Madame President.
- Hello, Theodore.
- You look so thin from behind.
Is that a new cologne I'm smelling,
or are you using mothballs in your garden
to scare off the raccoons?
- We use deer urine. - Mm.
That explains it.
- She's even more beautiful this year, isn't she?
- Mm-hmm.
It's gonna look stunning in our trophy case.
- Aren't we getting a bit ahead of ourselves?
- Mm.
Not when the judge sees what we have up our sleeves.
- Ah. He's new.
Riku.
No last name.
- Like I don't know.
He's a landscaping legend.
- Did Oprah's estate.
- Also no last name.
Like I don't know.
- Mm.
You're in trouble, Teddy.
- Oh, was there a sale on garden gnomes at Home Depot?
- Try Ranunculuses from Kyushu.
- Cute.
- Oh, you find Fukuoka hybrids cute?
- Adorable.
- Hmm. - Mm.
- You're gonna soil your pink pants.
- I would, except my pants are salmon,
and Bloomfield Hills has a little surprise of our own.
- What?
- Wouldn't want to ruin your day.
- Well, your resting dick face already did.
- Excuse me?
- Dish.
- OK. How much was that Kohl's card again?
- She gives me the same one every year for 50 bucks.
- Why don't you ever use it?
- I'm a Gucci girl.
- OK, then.
I will see your Kohl's, your Outback,
your Linens 'N Things, and your Dunkin' Donuts
and raise you $200 at Sephora.
- Ooh!
- Is that my birthday present you're wagering?
- Forgot to give it to you.
- All right.
Let's see what you've got, Ms. Bradley.
- Hoo hoo hoo!
Guess who's not going Christmas shopping this year?
- Ah, ah.
That Sephora's mine.
- Fine.
- One more hand?
- Uh, we gotta get back to work, so--
- OK.
Uh, tomorrow then?
Yeah?
- We'll text you.
- I'll pop by Tory Burch, load up on gift cards.
Ooh.
Should we get a bartender?
- It's not happening, lady.
- But that was so much fun.
- You're missing the point.
- What's the point?
- To trash talk our bosses.
- You do that to my face.
- But the other girls can't.
They work for some of your friends.
- Those women aren't really my friends anymore.
- Well, you could always play online.
- It is done.
- I think it's our best one yet.
- So what do we do now?
- Pray.
- When did you find religion?
- I, uh--
I just really need a win.
- Mm.
- Cup's not gonna bring your car business back.
Win or lose, it's the journey.
- Oh, honey, that's just what losers say.
- So tomorrow it's just over?
- Well, there's always next season.
- Yeah, but do we, like, hang out until then?
Or just heart each other's Instas until spring?
- I'm not on Instagram.
- Catherine.
We're gonna lose.
- What are you talking about?
- They have a secret weapon.
- So do we. - Theirs is better.
- What could be better than something so valuable
it had to be smuggled up Donna's--
- Ghost orchids.
- Oh.
- What's the big deal?
- They're only found in Cuba and, like,
remote Caribbean islands.
- And now they're in Bloomfield Hills.
- Is it today?
- It is, honey.
- Why do you look so sad?
- I just really want to win.
- But you always say it doesn't matter if we win or lose.
- Not when it comes to gardening.
The Southeastern Michigan Gardening Cup
is awarded by point system in four main categories.
- Number one, unity and balance of garden design.
- Number two, horticultural elements of the flower,
such as color, size, texture, and height.
- Number three, proper maintenance
such as weeding, deadheading, and overall upkeep.
- And finally, number four,
the use of hardscape elements to enhance
but not overwhelm the design.
- Take that, Bloomfield Hills.
- What did you do?
- Put us back in the game.
- They're so--
- Large.
- How do I know these guys?
- So they're called Moai.
You may recognize them from Easter Island
where they represent the ancestors of the Rapa Nui.
- No, the mai tais at Trader Vic's
come in glasses just like these.
- So Buzz got them on loan from a gallery downtown.
- What do the Moai have to do with anything?
- Well, they--they watch over and, uh, protect the community.
- Mm-mm.
- Excuse me?
- No.
- Oh, that sounds, uh, very negative.
- You take them back to whatever gallery
they came from right now before the judge gets here.
- You can't take them out.
- Exactly.
Buzz's city workers already got called away
for some water main break on Kercheval, so--
- They're crushing the delphinium.
- And the foxgloves and the Loropetalum.
- And the azaleas.
- You had no right.
- Catherine, we had to call an audible.
- We didn't spend months and months
on this design for people to miss work
and soccer games and family trips
for you to call an audible!
- So I did what I had to do
to get the cup back into our cabinet.
- We are a club.
- Yes, we are, Catherine.
With appointed positions, right?
President, vice president.
- OK, so there is a guy walking towards us
who might be the judge, or he might be a street mime.
I don't know.
It's a weird look, and I don't feel good about it.
- OK. OK, OK, OK, Riku.
Riku!
Ah, Riku, gosh.
Welcome to our enchanted garden.
- Knock, knock.
They let you take lunch around here?
- I gotta work, Dad.
- Thought you might say that.
I got chicken for you.
- Um, Mom send you?
- Come on, Dougie, this is stupid.
- Hmm.
- I mean, I'm in a tough spot here.
- Always cleaning up her mess, yeah.
- Well, I am her husband.
- Mm-hmm.
And you are my dad.
- Come on, Dougie.
Can't we just get back to being
a normal dysfunctional family again?
- You let her spend all your money humiliating me
because you're her lapdog.
- You did it to yourself.
- What?
- I should have never sent you to that art camp.
- What does Interlochen have to do with any of it?
- You come home with some trophy,
and next thing we know, you have facial hair
and a tribal tattoo.
- I don't even know what that means.
- What is so bad about this, huh?
You're making money.
You're climbing the ranks.
- Just like you always wanted.
- Someday, you're gonna realize
you should be thanking your mother
for shaking some sense into you.
- OK.
Lunch is over.
- Mm.
- Leave some for other people.
- But I'm hungry.
- There's a full dinner.
You have to come with me.
- What happened?
- It's Doug.
- Is he OK? - No.
- Unique choice.
- Well, we felt it brought a spiritual significance.
- The craftsmanship...
is exquisite.
- Thank you so much.
- Stunning.
No other club was able to get their hands
on marigolds this season.
- You've just got to know where to look.
Marigolds!
- These beds...
are impeccably groomed.
- We're very proactive when it comes to weeding.
- Am I hallucinating?
- Um, could be the pollen.
- How did you get Japanese Ranunculus
to grow in this climate?
- They just needed a little encouragement.
You're the sexiest sapling I've ever seen.
- Is that a smile?
- It's not not a smile.
- It seems like more of a smirk.
- Is that good or bad?
- We're getting all 10s.
- Wh-- - How do you know?
- Donna used to do handwriting analysis for a friend of hers
that worked in the Bureau, and she said she could tell
by the way the pen was moving.
- We just might have a shot at this thing.
- You're welcome, Catherine.
- Oh.
Whew.
- You guys win?
- We won't know till later.
- Ooh, brutal. - Yeah.
The events are all spread out.
- Mm, like a bar mitzvah.
What are you doing?
- I'm reading your takedown of my mom.
- Oh, it's nothing.
Yeah, I was just venting.
- Yeah. Why did you write this?
- I don't know.
It's just built up.
- You put every horrible thing that she's ever done in here.
- OK.
Well, it's like the news, right?
There's always an angle,
depending on which site you're on.
- Well...
you've always been right about my mom.
- I have?
- Yeah.
I mean, they're selfish and materialistic and judgy.
They--they think they're better than everyone else.
- How many of those have you had?
- Enough to make me realize that they're monsters.
Wouldn't it be great if everyone in town read this?
- Are you kidding me?
No, Patty wouldn't be able to set foot in the village
without people pointing.
- Bye-bye to their favorite table at St. Clair Grille.
Yeah.
- Oh, the quilting circle would have a lot to talk about.
- Oh, enough for so many quilts.
- So many. - Yeah.
- They'd never speak to us again.
- And how is that a bad thing?
Mm.
- Looking for one of these?
- Always.
- Haven't seen you at the tennis club lately.
- Because you guys kicked me out.
- Water under the bridge, ladies.
- Well, cheers.
- So...
how's the gardening?
You mean community service.
- Call it what you want.
Those pampas plumes are gorge.
- Who knew you had such an eye?
- Oh.
I missed you bitches.
- Samesies.
- Any room on the gala invite list?
- You know, for some old friends.
- I'm sure I could get Marilyn to move a few names around.
- To old friends.
- Welcome, everyone.
It's the moment you've all been waiting for.
I'd like to thank all the garden clubs here today
for bringing their communities together
while beautifying their cities.
- Where have you been?
- Ending my social penance.
- Cool. Where's my beer?
- Oh. Sorry, I forgot.
We can share. - Shh!
- And what a privilege it is to have our honored judge,
Riku, renowned horticulturalist
and landscaper to the stars,
decide this year's cup winner.
- Riku.
- Oh, my God, this is torture. - Mm-hmm.
- OK, let's get to it already.
- And this year's winner...
was not an easy decision.
- Come on.
- The difference between the winner and the runner up
was a mere three points,
but there is only one
Southeastern Michigan Gardening Cup,
and this year it goes to--
- Donna, hold my clutch for me when I'm up there, please.
- The Bloomfield Hills Garden Guild!
I know.
- To work this hard?
- And then, poof.
It's just gone.
- How did this happen?
- Cultural appropriation.
- What?
- 'Cause of Stonehenge over there.
- They took eight points off for hardscape?
- We would have won.
- Yeah, that would have been better.
Yeah.
Marilyn did us dirty.
- Two years in a row.
- Why do we keep letting her?
- She's the president.
- Doesn't have to be.
- Donna?
Did you say something?
- I've never heard her speak before.
- None of us have.
- Weirdly louder than I imagined.
- We can impeach Marilyn.
- Says who?
- There's a bylaw from 1957.
- Someone's been thinking about this for a while.
- When faced with a dereliction of duty,
the garden society can hold a vote of no confidence.
- It's that easy?
- But it has to be unanimous.
- Um, how would we even--
- Raise your hands if you want to replace
Marilyn with Catherine!
With your vote, she's out.
- So who's gonna tell Marilyn that she's been impeached?
- It feels like a job for our new president.
- Dougie always said you liked to write here.
- Oh, yeah.
Just, um, hard to be creative
in my, uh--my classroom.
- Get you a refill?
- No, I'm good.
- Oh.
Any snacks?
You OK, Keith?
- May I? - Yeah.
- I admire what you and my son have.
- Thank you.
- Dougie really trusts you.
- I can't get him to forgive you guys.
- When Patty was a weather girl,
she worked with Skip Harding.
- Oh, the one who covers sports?
- Yeah.
Weeknights, 6:00 and 11:00.
- Yeah.
Was he the one who sexually harassed her?
- More mutual.
- Oh, my God.
- Not much harassment.
Yeah, just the sex part.
- No, I, uh--I get it.
- Anyways, um, to save our marriage,
we decided that she would quit the station and have a baby.
- Sounds healthy.
It's what we people do here to avoid our real problems.
- Patty, uh, left out those details.
- Not surprised.
- Does Doug know any of this?
- He's... all I have, Alice.
- I'm sorry.
- I should let you get to it.
So what are you writing about?
- Uh, just a little Grosse Pointe satire.
- Well, I play golf with the editor of "The Gazette."
- Really?
- It's not New York, but if you ever want to get it out there.
- I don't think now is the right time.
- You just let me know.
- ...trying to kill him!
- Brett, come on!
- Someone do something.
- Oh, my God, stop!
No!
- Knock it off!
- Doug. Doug!
- Oh, my God.
- Your son's a psycho!
- Get the hell out of here.
- How could you?
Tonight?
Do you have any idea how this looks?
- That's enough, Patty.
- Look at you, destroying property like some--
like some drunk hooligan.
- Patty!
Leave the kid alone.
- Dad!
Are you OK?
- What do you think?
- Hey, uh--
Dad?
- You were finally on track, Dougie.
You're gonna throw this all away
because some guy mad dogs you?
- OK, you don't know what's going on, OK?
- I know whatever it is, it doesn't excuse you
from behaving like some escaped gorilla.
- He's in love with my wife, Dad.
- Does she feel the same way?
- I don't know anymore.
- Just get an Uber, OK?
- Thanks for, um--
You know.
- Yeah.
Just go.
- I'm here to see Marilyn.
- Right this way.
She's in here.
- Marilyn, we've all been talking.
- Oh, I'm sure you have.
- We've been trying to figure out
the best path forward for us as a club.
- Oh.
I didn't offer you coffee.
- Oh, uh, I'm--
I'm fine, really.
- It's no trouble.
- Uh, I think you forgot the coffee.
- Oh.
Yeah, I guess, um--
I guess we're out.
- We've come to a very difficult decision.
- I'm resigning.
- You're still in that robe?
Hi, there.
- Hi.
- Sorry about the loss.
- Oh, we'll come back stronger.
Just have to make some changes.
- You're taking it a lot better than this one.
- Guess we all mourn in our own way.
- Honey, uh, you need to get in the shower and--
and put your face on lickety split.
- I'm not going, Buzz.
- Well, I can't do a ribbon cutting
without my wife at my side.
How can I face everyone?
It's a new cell phone store.
Believe me, no one cares about your flower contest.
- Then why don't you take Tara?
- Don't embarrass yourself in front of your friend.
- Please, just do not expect me to go.
- It's your job, Marilyn.
- Maybe you can talk some sense into her.
I'll be waiting in the car.
- Being the mayor's wife is-- is, uh--
it's a full-time job.
- To him.
- He needs me.
- We need you more.
- Why?
- Because, well, he may be the mayor,
but you...
are the goddamn president
of the Grosse Pointe Garden Society.
But you're really gonna need to up your design game
for next year.
- Well, you know, I really love a koi pond.
- And even though the Tigers pulled it out in the ninth,
it wasn't enough to get them into the playoffs.
Seats will be empty at Comerica Park for another year.
I'm Skip Harding.
Back to you, Skylar.
- Hi. - Hi, baby.
Oh, my goodness.
I thought we were going out tonight.
- This is for tomorrow.
- This is, um--
this is more food than Thanksgiving.
- I invited your parents.
- You did what?
- Yeah, I've been thinking--
- Come on, Alice.
- They're not gonna be around forever.
- That doesn't excuse what they did.
- Well, the more you push someone away,
the harder it is to get them back.
- Yeah, I'm kind of OK with that.
- Well, I thought I was with my mom too.
- It's not the same.
- What if we had a baby?
- Um...
I didn't know that was on the table.
- Someday, maybe.
- OK.
Wow.
- I would want our kid to have grandparents.
- Wouldn't you?
Do I have to be nice?
- I never am.
- I am just saying,
Turks and Caicos crushed St. Kitts.
- Oh, that villa.
- That view.
- How are your kids?
- Ew. - Huh?
- My son just decided to study in Shanghai for a year.
- Ooh!
That's a sexy place to visit.
- I don't like Chinese food.
- My little princess just wrapped my BMW around a tree.
- Oh, my God. - I know.
I've been in a rental for three weeks.
- But is she OK?
- She's fine.
It's what she does to get even with me.
- Why I sent mine to boarding school.
- Isn't Brian, like, ten?
- Oh, yeah.
Get them out early before the problem starts.
- You were the only smart one, B.
- No babies.
- But she still married someone in a diaper.
- With a giant piggy bank.
- Your life's the best.
One giant party.
- OK, ladies.
Dream vacay.
- Uh, Amalfi Coast. Duh.
- Yeah, but on a sailboat in the Med
so we don't have to, like, you know, see the locals.
- Oh, yeah.
- What about you, Birdie?
- Oh.
Um...
Shanghai with my son.
Or Turks and Caicos.
Or anywhere if it meant he would talk to me.
I mean, if I had a son.
- Are we doing brunch on Sunday?
- Hell, yeah. Blood orange mimosas.
- My favorite.
- Oh, my God, we should go on your boat.
- It'd be so fun.
- I'm, uh--
I'm gonna go.
- Well, maybe they were just celebrating.
- He was rubbing the judge's thigh.
- What part?
- What part of your thigh are you cool
with your pal rubbing at the bar?
- Mm.
- It's a big accusation.
- Yeah, but we can't just let them cheat
their way to another cup.
- There's no way to prove it.
- Oh, there's a way.
- How?
- Give me a name and a black light.
- This is outrageous!
- It's a clear ethics violation, Clark.
- You want to talk ethics?
Who stole last year's cup out of our trophy case?
- OK, I have no idea what you're talking about.
But even if I did, you stole it from us
with your genetically engineered magnolias!
- Well, there's no rule against fraternizing with a judge.
- More like frenching, huh, Theodore?
- Well, it all depends on when it started.
- Not that it's any of your business,
but Riku and I met at the awards ceremony
and just happened to hit it off.
- Oh, please. You've been boning that man
six ways from Sunday for months.
- Is that true, Teddy?
- Pure rubbish.
- So I'm crazy then?
- Clark, we both know that roof ain't nailed tight.
- Janetta?
- Who's this?
- My housekeeper.
- Janetta, why don't you tell Clark
who you saw hot-tubbing with your employer two weeks ago.
- Do not answer that, Janetta.
- Or what?
No Cinnabon gift card this year?
- I was always very generous with you.
- I have diabetes, you prick.
- So why do we have to cut all this down?
- To make sure it all comes back next season.
- What about you?
- What about me?
- How do we make sure you come back next season?
- Don't worry.
I'm a perennial.
- Do you have any idea what that means?
- I'm coming back.
- As president of the Grosse Pointe Garden Society,
I am pleased to announce that Bloomfield Hills was
disqualified this morning.
- Hey, there's your win.
- On a technicality, but I'll take it.
- And I think we're all in agreement
that we couldn't have done it without our fearless leader.
- Well, now, uh, the committee has sent over some champers
in the pavilion.
Not you, Donna.
You have a second?
- Now you need your win.
- What do you mean?
- What are you gonna do with that essay?
- Oh.
Absolutely nothing.
- Hey, guys.
- Oh.
- Mm.
- OK, uh, let's open that.
- It looks delicious.
- It's your recipe.
- Thank you.
- I did it for myself.
- Why?
- Because now you owe me.
- What do you want?
- You'll be the first to know.
Let's eat.
- Like I said, in every relationship,
there's a gardener and a garden.
- But being a gardener comes with power.
- Try the machete.
- If you don't use it right...
- Everything dies.